I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
