Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
