so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
