I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My feet surprised me
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