Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
