non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
