im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
