Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
