I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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