Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
