i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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