Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
