i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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