oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Randomize
