Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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