his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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