dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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