i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
