I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize