Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
