Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
