we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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