"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
