I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
