You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
