I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
