Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
