He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
