M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
