when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
