You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Even my vagina gasped.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
