Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
