yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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