? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
