apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
