Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
