i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
