My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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