her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
