I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
