The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
