Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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