Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
