I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Congratulations! We have a period
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
