How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize