I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
