I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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