What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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