do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
