good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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