Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
