for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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