i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
