Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
