Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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