He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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