I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
