you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
