My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
