It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
