so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is wine microwaveable?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
