I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think people are normalizing furries
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
