pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
worst night to have a conscience
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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