I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The uberlube is also flammable
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
