You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
