i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
