Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
