i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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