i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
there is glitter all over my balls
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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