You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
