This is not my ceiling
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
